August 23^rd, 2011

Dear Mr. Super Mario,

The National Plumbers Association appreciates the outpouring of letters nominating you for Plumber of the Year. However, we regret to inform you that you've been denied for the following reasons: Our records show that you and your brother Luigi Mario have never officially filed paperwork to become plumbers. We did receive a letter from a woman claiming to be royalty by the name of Princess Peach, but the letter was written in crayon with glitter, which deems it inadmissible. In her letter she alluded to the fact that you've saved her life on more than one occasion from a (and we quote) "Half dragon, half turtle dinosaur creature named Bowser, that is smelly". We ask, what does that have to do with plumbing?

When we went to double check your records, we found none, which leads us to believe that you are acting illegally. However, we won't press charges, considering that you apparently work in a fantasy world where creatures like Bowser exist, which is outside our jurisdiction. Your  brother Luigi Mario sent us a rudimentary video of some of your exploits. Needless to say, the board was impressed with your amazing abilities - being able to breathe in space or under water, not to mention super  strength, are all stunning abilities for a plumber to have. Unfortunately, you're not a licensed plumber in any state of the union.

Mr. Mario, do you even carry tools with which to ply your trade? In all the video footage, we never once saw you use a wrench or a plunger. We did, however, see you turn into a weird half-raccoon, half-man creature that made several of our board members ill. We also question your customer service skills, considering that 90% of the people you come across are systematically destroyed by you or your brother. We forwarded your brother's video to the ASPCA, just in case they want to press charges for your needless slaughter of a rare species of slow-moving turtles.

We also noticed that you make money by destroying bricks and/or finding coins strewn about your neighborhood. We believe the IRS will be interested in whether or not you have paid taxes on this small fortune of giant gold coins you've amassed over the years. Attached is a form you can fill out to make the audit as easy and painless as possible.

Once again, Mr. Super Mario, we appreciate your cooperation in this process and will return to review your plumber status in about six months.

Take care,

The National Plumber's Association