Top 10 Fat Bastards Found in Video Games
In fiction, extra weight on a character is often used to symbolize corruption, the physical and moral distance from "heroic" athleticism that comes with excess consumption. In reality, obesity is an epidemic of modern society, a disease caused by the unhealthiness of modern diet and lifestyle that is extremely difficult to treat. Fat in real life cannot be attributed to causes as simple and reductive as individual weakness. That said, here are some video game villains who use their paunch as part of their repulsive charm.
10. Dr. Ivo Robotnik, Sonic the Hedgehog (various games)
An unusual example of an overweight villain, Dr. Robotnik is simultaneously fat and skinny. He possesses a tubby body and ovoid shape (hence his frequent nickname "Dr. Eggman"), and he spends most of his time sitting down, letting his monstrous machines do all of his fighting. Yet he also has extremely thin and firm limbs, carrying the weight of his torso without a problem. When his robot carriers are destroyed, he's capable of outrunning Sonic and escaping on foot. Considering Sonic's trademark speed as well as Robotnik's own weight, this has to be the most impressively athletic display of cowardice in video game history.
9. Rodrigo Borgia, Assassin's Creed 2 (PS3 / Xbox 360)
The fat part of Rodrigo Borgia's character isn't as fantastically exaggerated as others on this list. Since he's based on a real historical figure, he's definitely overweight from his decadent lifestyle, but he's not freakish or immobile. However, when it comes to being a bastard, few if any can match Borgia's crimes. His rise to the Papacy in Assassin's Creed was built on the bodies of thousands, including Ezio's father, older brother, and 12-year-old little brother. His paunch was a sign of his decadence, the opulent (and, if the implications are to be believed, pedophiliac) lifestyle that he didn't deserve. At least his appetites got the better of him, thanks to the secret poisons of his vengeful son Cesare.
8. Snorlax, Pokémon Red and Blue (Game Boy)
The entire Snorlax species is infamous for being massive, sedentary, and unmovable. An adult Snorlax can weigh up to half a ton, and they use that weight to sleep and snore. As actual members of your Pokémon team, Snorlaxes are of debatable value, since their strength and durability comes at the cost of falling asleep at inopportune times. However, as opponents, these Snorlaxes can be quite the challenge. Unless you have the Poke Flute, you won't be able to complete your quest on account of these grotesquely massive creatures blocking your path.
7. Bear Hugger, Punch-Out!! (Wii)
Bear Hugger isn't actually a bad man, and the only reason he's a villain is because he's competing against Little Mac for the Punch-Out!! championship belt. However, he's still an obstacle, and a particularly massive one at that. Unlike most of the boxers, Bear Hugger is immune to body blows thanks to his many layers of blubber. If you try to hit him in his massive gut, it will temporarily stun you while he sticks out his tongue. Meanwhile, he'll use his weight to crush you in the bear hugs that give him his name. For most people, drinking maple syrup out of the bottle is a grotesque display of self-destruction. For Bear Hugger, it's vital to maintain the physique for his rather unique style of boxing.
6. Palmer, Final Fantasy VII (PS1)
Possibly the most pathetic boss in Final Fantasy history is Palmer, the head of the Shinra Electric Power Company's all-but-abandoned space program. A bumbling oaf who takes his tea with sugar, honey, and lard, the first impression given by Palmer is that he wouldn't last five minutes against a team of material-enhanced super-soldiers. This proves correct, as the best he can do is impotently fire a gun that shoots weak spells. It gets even worse for Palmer, as the boss battle concludes with him getting hit by a truck. At least he somehow survives, probably due to his extra padding.
5. Wario, various Nintendo games
If Mario is paunchy, then his bizarre counterpart Wario is outright fat. And this fat comes from his insatiable greed and disgusting appetites. While not quite as evil as other Nintendo villains, Wario's goals involve acquiring and consuming as much as he can grab with his grubby hands. He also uses the… products… of his consumption as weapons, as seen with his rocket-powered flatulence. All that food has to go somewhere, after all…
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Neil Kapit is a freelance writer, cartoonist, and "La Li Lu Le Lo" agent based in Los Angeles. His work can be seen on www.therubynation.com.
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