Top 10 Most Impractical Weapons in Gaming
I get it, developers. You want your characters to be memorable. I understand that you want people to look at them and go "wow, cool!" And I know that one of the best, most common means of accomplishing this is by giving the character an original, creative, or unique weapon. Unfortunately, this is where quite a few of you go far, far overboard.
As a result, we've seen some pretty bizarre pieces of equipment over the ages. We've seen weapons that would be absolutely useless in a real fight; armaments that are so absurd that we wonder how they're even usable. Here today is just a sampling of them. There are many, many more to be found - feel free to share!
The Blitzball (Final Fantasy X)
Our first item is wielded by Wakka, a character that everybody loves to hate. While the main character, Tidus, is supposedly the best Blitzballer in the party (and, potentially, the world). He was, at least, sensible enough to realize that maybe sporting equipment might not be the most intelligent weapon to wield against an army of eldridtch abominations. Wakka experienced no such realization, and he cheerfully spits in the face of physics as he kills monsters with what is essentially a stylized basketball.
The Blades of Chaos (God of War)
This is definitely a case of "awesome, but impractical." While I'm certainly not arguing that Kratos's signature chainswords are incredibly badass in theory (and very, very fun to use), in practice, anyone attempting to wield such a weapon in the real world would likely end up either cutting themselves to ribbons or trussing themselves up enough that they'd be easy pickings for whatever they happened to be fighting at the time.
The Buster Sword (Final Fantasy VII)
Lame jokes about whether or not Cloud is compensating for something aside, there's something to be said about wielding a weapon that's almost as big as you are - it simply doesn't work. Ironically enough, the Buster Sword is still probably the most practical weapon on this list, because at the end of the day, it's simply a really, really big sword.
The Lancer (Gears of War)
Believe it or not, Bayonets were not only common in the military during World War I and II; they're still used by many of the world's armed forces today. Of course, the disadvantage to this is that they're just boring, mundane old knives strapped to a gun. Someone at Epic Games decided they wanted to make things a bit more exciting - and, as it's common knowledge that everything's better once you add chainsaws, the Lancer MK. II was born. It's no wonder the Locusts managed to overrun the surface of Sera so quickly: most of the Gears probably ended up chopping their hands, arms, or legs off while wielding these absurd guns.
The Ring Blade (Soul Calibur)
There are a lot of bizarre weapons in Soul Calibur, but one that stands out to me is Tira's weapon, which is essentially a bladed hula hoop. Sure, it's flashy, looks awesome, and fits the character pretty well. But at the same time, one can't help but wonder why someone doesn't just walk up and stab Tira while she's playing Hula Hoop.
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A gamer at heart, Nick started writing when he was a child. He holds a BA in English, works as a freelancer, and loves every minute of it. One day, he hopes to net himself a career in game design - but that's something for the future.
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