Top 10 Most Impractical Weapons in Gaming
The Whipsword (Soul Calibur)
I strongly suspect that Ivy doesn't actually have breasts. Rather, I think those things on her chest are a pair of alien parasites, which grow larger with each passing day and will eventually consume her very being. On that day, everything that was Ivy will vanish, replaced by the parasites, whose insidious purposes we can never hope to even partially understand.
Oh, and her whipsword is pretty ridiculous, too. Sorry, got a bit off track there.
The Experimental MIRV (Fallout 3)
What's better than an explosion? A nuclear explosion? What's better than a nuclear explosion? How about eight at once? The Experimental MIRV is essentially an upgraded version of Fallout 3's "Fat Man" weapon, which was itself a mini nuke launcher. The Experimental MIRV launches eight miniature nuclear warheads, which are as likely to take you out as they are to kill anything in their path.
No wonder it never got past the "experimental" stage.
Bayonetta features a laundry list of bizarre weapons (Bayonetta's own hair is one of her primary modes of attack, for god's sake), but the piece of gear which most stands out is her Gun-Chucks. They're... pretty much exactly what they sound like - a pair of guns attached to chains, which function like nunchucks. How, exactly, does Bayonetta manage to wield them without shooting herself or clubbing herself in the face?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Cup and Ball (Samurai Warriors)
In Samurai Warriors, there's a young girl by the name of Oichi. Cute, innocent, and childlike, she introduces some very serious mood whiplash into a title which centers around hacking down scores upon scores of enemy soldiers. One of the main reasons is her weapon - a cup and ball. Somehow, she manages to waltz onto the battlefield and slaughter literally thousands of soldiers with a children's toy.
Based on this, if she ever wielded an actual blade, she'd probably bring about the apocalypse.
Jarate (Team Fortress 2)
I love TF2's Sniper, but even I'm willing to admit that the Jarate is a weapon that's... strange at best. Basically, you hurl a jar of urine at your enemies, which makes them more vulnerable to critical hits for a set period of time, perhaps because they're distracted whilst trying to process the fact that, in the middle of the battlefield, you just happened to be carrying a jar of piss which you splashed on them instead of, y'know... just shooting them.
Of course, that doesn't really hold a candle to some of the tongue-in-cheek weapons in the game, such as the Scout's Trout or the Demoman's Booze Bottle.
Let's just accept that most of the weapons in TF2 are wildly impractical, and that's all a part of the game's charm, yeah?
A gamer at heart, Nick started writing when he was a child. He holds a BA in English, works as a freelancer, and loves every minute of it. One day, he hopes to net himself a career in game design - but that's something for the future.
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