Top 5 Movies That Should Have Remained Video Games
When I was a kid, I begged my mom to take me to go see the Super Mario Bros. movie. When she finally said okay, I strapped on as much Super Mario Bros. gear as I could fit onto my 8-year-old body and we were on our way. My sisters and I were lucky that day, my mom even sprang for popcorn, which she never bought because it was (and still is) too expensive. After the movie, I pretended to like it. I don't know why, maybe it was because I felt like I had to like it because it was the Super Mario brothers, But I knew better. Somehow, it took everything I loved about the games and completely discarded them. The experience scarred me, but not as bad as some of these video game movies scarred me.
5. Street Fighter
In the 80s and 90s, I was a fan of Jean-Claude Van Damme. Few can argue the epicness of films like Bloodsport or Breakin'. When they announced the Street Fighter movie, I ran to my friend's house and excitedly told him the news. We didn't make it out to see it in theaters, but my mom bought me the movie on VHS. My friend and I sat there, and as soon as I saw that Guile was the main character and that he was played by a Belgian, I stopped the movie and asked my mom to return it. I eventually saw the movie in its entirety. Good guys were bad guys, and bad guys were good guys. Charlie was Blanka? Kylie Minogue's acting is every bit as good as her songwriting abilities. The movie was so bad! Look at their faces! I'd be bummed too if I were part of this movie.
4. DOA: Dead or Alive
I had heard about this movie, but I never realized it was already out. When I finally did watch it, there was a lot of fighting, girls wearing skimpy outfights, no plot, and minimal acting. This film did a few things right. Unfortunately, they did more things wrong than right. I liked that it followed the game's storyline and had that somewhat ridiculous feel to it. What I didn't like was that the plot and acting were laughable. They were so bad it was unwatchable. I know, man. I don't wanna see you in a beach volleyball scene either.
3. Mortal Kombat: Annihlation
Not all video game movies are bad. The original Mortal Kombat was great. Unfortunately, Mortal Kombat: Annihlation follows what I like to call "The Curse of the Sequel", where the sequel is never as good as the first. Wow. Was this sequel bad! The animalities showed off cheap CGI, the storyline showed off weak writing, the replaced actors showed weak acting. These are just some of what plagued this film. You know it's bad when half of the original cast want nothing to do with the sequel. As much as I like James Remar, I just can't see him as Raiden. Jax is all, "You're not Billy Madison's girlfriend…"
You're making a Hitman movie and you don't cast Jason Statham right away?! This movie was doomed before it was released. When I saw it, I felt that the movie completely missed the whole feel of the Hitman games. I thought it would have been really cool to follow Agent 47 around on a few kills and build up exactly who he is as a hitman. I loved how methodical you could be when carrying out the hits in the game, but the Hitman became just any other action flick where an agent is double-crossed by his agency. Don't get me wrong, I like Timothy Olyphant in shows like Justified, but you look at him and realize the world's most dangerous hitman is a bit vertically challenged.
1. Far Cry
Uwe Bolle has a reputation of making some really bad movies. Unfortunately for the video game community, most of them are based on video games. I chose Far Cry, because I feel that it is one of the best games that Bolle decided to adapt into a film. With poor acting, poor cinematography, and a stupid plot, the film didn't even make a thirtieth of its total budget. The only positive thing that may have come from the Far Cry movie is that video game developers are now more selective when making a film adaptation of their game leading to better quality video game films. I wish I were the one to have a gun to my head.
|Exequiel Roman III
He has been gaming since before he could spell video or games... or even his own name. While he can find a game he enjoys in any genre, he cites Tetris being his all-time favorite game. Oh yeah... he writes stuff too.
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