Movember Special: Ten More of Gaming's Most Magnificent Moustaches
Another Movember has nearly come and gone, folks. As I write this piece, I’m stroking my beard, pondering whether to keep it as a face-warmer, try styling it, or chop it off as the month ends. Yes, I grew a beard this year, rather than a simple moustache.
I don’t do things in half measures, folks.
Anyway, with the month nearly over, I figured I’d expand a bit on the piece I wrote last year, and share with all of you ten more of the most magnificent moustaches in video game history. These stunning examples of facial hair are everything that shaggy, coarse lump on your upper lip aspires to be; everything it never will be.
10. Heihachi (Tekken)
Admittedly, Heihachi’s moustache isn’t his defining feature – which is why he’s so low on this list. Don’t get me wrong, his facial hair is cool, and all, but…it’s honestly completely outshone by that absurd, untamed fringe of hair that he bewilderingly refuses to get rid of. Were it not for the fact that he routinely punches out cyborgs, demigods, and men half his age, I’m not certain anyone in the Tekken universe would actually be able to take Heihachi seriously.
That aside, it’s also occurred to me that he’s effectively a dead ringer for Dr. Wily. Perhaps one day the good doctor finally snapped, learned martial arts, bulked up, then punched Mega Man to death?
Hey, it’d be a better end to the series than what Capcom’s given us so far.
9. The King Of All Cosmos (Katamari Series)
It’s amazing what you can tell just by looking at how a man styles his moustache, isn’t it? One glance at the King of All Cosmos, and three things immediately become clear:
- He’s powerful. As in, world-shatteringly, dimension-breakingly powerful.
- He’s a man of taste, refinement, and character who can’t be bothered to do peon’s work like fixing his mistakes.
- He’s about as mentally balanced as Mel Gibson.
Okay, maybe that last one’s evidenced as much by his style of dress as it is to everything else. But hey, it’s a pretty accurate description of the man who is arguably the main antagonist of the Katamari series. Think about it – virtually every Katamari game involves you cleaning up the results of the good King’s latest drunken bender by capturing thousands of living creatures and objects and hurling them into space, where they become stars.
The Katamari series is actually kind of terrifying, come to think of it.
8. Yoshimo (Baldur’s Gate 2)
Playing Baldur’s Gate 2: Enhanced Edition reminded me of one of my favorite RPG characters of all time: the good-natured bounty hunter Yoshimo. Though formidable in combat, he’s nevertheless a bit of a joke – and he definitely knows it. His moustache – if it can indeed be called such – is equal parts manly and ridiculous, and his cheerful demeanor only makes his eventual fate all the more tragic.
Also, he can dance on the head of a pin, apparently.
7. Master Onion (Parappa the Rapper)
Next up on our list is the marvelous Chop Chop Master Onion. His moustache – which, admittedly, looks completely absurd on him – is meant to drive home the fact that this man-onion is a kung-fu master, with a level of control and dignity that most of us can only dream of possessing. Even when he loses his dojo and winds up on the street in Um Jammer Lammy, he manages to retain his dignity, thanks in no small part to the fu Manchu on his face.
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A gamer at heart, Nick started writing when he was a child. He holds a BA in English, works as a freelancer, and loves every minute of it. One day, he hopes to net himself a career in game design - but that's something for the future.
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