We are currently in the final days of the Nintendo DS. With the 3DS fresh on the market and new titles being announced to whet our appetites, there isn't much left for the Nintendo DS to actually do. Of course, being such a successful platform, games are going to continue to be released for it until its wholly outdated. Sadly, some games should have just stayed away. 

With Duke Nukem Forever finally being released, you'd think that anything labeled with the age old, American muscle man would be forced to be solid gold in gaming form in order to compensate for his extended absence from the gaming world. Unfortunately, Duke Nukem: Critical Mass comes off as a cash-in, hoping to find its way to success on the coattails of Duke Nukem Forever. It failed miserably in case you were wondering.

- Does that look like fun to you? -

Duke Nukem: Critical Mass tells the story of Duke venturing out to be the hero. That's about all I've got for you honestly. Storytelling in Duke Nukem games has never been center stage and, true to form, it doesn't get much attention here. The developers obviously want you to focus solely on the fact you're finally playing a new Duke Nukem game. However, the excitement from that notion quickly fades once the game actually begins.

First off, Duke Nukem: Critical Mass does not look good. Over the years, the DS has seen plenty of games which are not even passable, all the way to games which look simply phenomenal, and Critical Mass falls decidedly to the lower extremities of the scale. The game takes place on a set plane where you move back and forth shooting and kicking mutants, and the backdrop for these forays is a visual catastrophe. Even the initial level, which is the gamer's first impression of how the rest of the package will unfold, is a blurry mess. In fact, Critical Mass looks worse than some of the launch titles for the DS. When a game that came out with the console, prior to any developer having any real experience with it, outshines you in visuals, it's a serious issue. 

The problems don't stop there, though. The actual gameplay is completely archaic, repetitive, and truly frustrating. Thankfully, someone had the foresight to add a function which allows you to look both in front and behind you to watch for enemies. Truthfully, it's a good idea, as being ambushed is probably one of the worst issues with handheld shooters. Unfortunately, you have no precise control while aiming. In fact, you have no way of adjusting the plane upon which your gun shoots. While even bad handheld shooters give you the option of aiming upwards and downwards at 45 degree angles, Duke Nukem: Critical Mass makes you constantly jump and shoot  to hit the onslaught of enemies. What's worse, the bullets are apparently fired from Duke's chest instead of his gun because when you jump it's pointed down, but the bullets still fly straight forward. It doesn't take much to realize this is an issue when you're expected to navigate between various levels of platforms and obstacles which are simply littered with enemies.

Critical Mass also preserves the series' tradition of Duke and the ladies. Duke Nukem has always been, inexplicably, a ladies' man. Perhaps it's his manly chest which has the power to fire bullets? Either way, there are several damsels in distress scattered throughout the level, and you have the option of rescuing them. Of course, that's about all the incentive you have during this game to continually explore these stages, and the only thing that makes it worse is the fact that you have to hear the same one-liners every time you rescue one: “Always bet on Duke!” Not likely.

- Missions are of the most basic sort, quickly feeling like a chore rather than a challenge -

At this point in the review, I question whether or not I should mention the sound quality. The gameplay is simultaneously terrible and awkward, the visuals are strenuous to look at, and the story is completely nonexistent. Surprisingly, the sound is passable. You're not going to be hearing any of your favorite music here, but it at least fits with the theme of Duke Nukem. Rock music is pumped through your speakers and is relatively clear when it isn't being talked over by the raspy voices of Duke and the ladies.

So, Duke Nukem: Critical Mass isn't something you want to bring home. It probably isn't something you'd even want to see on a store's shelf due to the revenue they're prone to losing on lack of sales and frequent returns. Critical Mass, does do one thing correct though -- it gives you the option of stopping at any time and walking away. I personally found myself taking advantage of this as often as possible. 

GameDynamo's Score for Duke Nukem: Critical Mass (DS/DSi)

	Score	Description
Graphics	20	There are times when it's understandable for things to look subpar, usually when it's accompanied with great gameplay or great effects. Critical Mass, however, has no excuse to offer.
Sound	40	The music won't keep you excited enough to play through the game, but it could be pleasing to the ear of a rock music aficionado.
Gameplay	10	I often wonder just what goes on during the development cycle of a game. Whatever was going on here, someone dropped the ball, as the game is an inexcusable blend of bad mechanics.
Play Value	10	Would you really go back to one of the worst portable shooters you've ever experienced? I wouldn't either.
Final Score	20	Avoid it. Run! Run to the comforting arms of great Nintendo DS games and let this terrible, terrible memory fade away.

[View Duke Nukem: Critical Mass images / screenshots +]
[Watch Duke Nukem: Critical Mass videos / trailers +]
[View more Duke Nukem: Critical Mass articles (news, previews, reviews) +]
[View Duke Nukem: Critical Mass cheats / guides +]

Stories from around the web